You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it was like eating out sand paper
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
