No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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