I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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