woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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