to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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