I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
