Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
