I'll bet she douches with gravy.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
