How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Everyone says I win the strip club
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
