I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
