i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
