Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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