problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
