so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
