I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
