and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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