you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
