he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
