So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
