i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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