everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My life is pants optional.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
