can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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