About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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