I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
