i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
