Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Randomize
