Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I believe in your delicious
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
