Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The struggles of a small town man whore
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
