Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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