if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
