your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
