what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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