Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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