I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
