never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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