Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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