I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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