Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
