Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
