Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
