i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
