:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
