Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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