need another drink. this is the easiest way
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
