hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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