Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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