Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
that's an acceptable place to lick
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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