I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
