remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
