dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
