if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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