Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
