dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sext me about skeletons
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
