Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
