I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I want to fling myself into the sun
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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