whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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