Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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